Change in Life

I recently have been experiencing many changes in my life both personally and professionally. Sometimes we live our life in such a hurry that we don’t really stop to think, to feel, to remember to really pursue and take it all in. Today, this is my goal. I was recently told, “go do what makes you happy”, to which I responded, “I will, thank you very much”. Till I realized that I could not properly defined what makes me truly happy. I mean I’m not living my life sad, I’m just kinda living it without any directions. Doing whatever I do. That thought really bothered me. It made me question my identity and my existence. How could I be living everyday not knowing what truly made me happy and not being able to define what I enjoy? I argued with myself back and forth for weeks. Dismissing happiness as being too gushy at times, other times realizing how much I have missed out on because I am too focused on problems and among other things like being successful and independent. My idea of success is hard work and hard work is pain, beauty hurts, right? Wrong, perhaps? With that said, I have challenged myself to seek what truly makes me happy. I don’t mean doing things to just impress others to prove I’m quirky or talented, or to further my career. This is me, really thinking, feeling and being open to finding what makes me truly happy and what allows me to express myself. I have always been found of writing and sharing. I am going to start this blog by writing memories of my past, my childhood experiences and anything else I remember that I feel impacted me, inspired me and interested me. I find that I as get older and wrapped up in my busy life and goals, I have forgotten what I dreamed and desired when I was a young, hopeful, bright guy. Recently, I went to a fortune teller (that is a whole other story I will go into later), she told me many things, some accurate, others not so much. At some point, she looked at me straight in the eye and said, “when did you loose your confidence and inspiration?” I looked at her and knew in my heart exactly what that witch meant. It’s time for me to break through, it’s time for me to stop being my own worst enemy. I am going to remember and write because I enjoy it - Pream Anand Tharmalingam